My journey toward healing the emotional scars that my infertility struggle left has been long and tumultuous. Like many of us, there are days when I would be unable to get out of bed, angry at the universe for allowing this to happen to me, and hopeless and afraid that it would never end. Other days, I would be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and even laugh and joke about it with my husband.
After over two years of needles, increasingly negative doctor's visits, one miscarriage, and exactly 0 healthy eggs left in my body, I had become desperate for peace and clarity. I had the opportunity to take a course in Thailand on Buddhism & Conservation. I went seeking peace. I came home with so much more.
I was expecting a ten day experience reaping the emotional benefits of time in nature, all while doing important conservation work. I got all of that, but I also found a sense of calmness, acceptance, and understanding that I wouldn't have dared even hope for. I learned how to meditate, how to be mindful, how to feel and think without judging myself. I saw my entire situation through the lens of Buddhism, in which everything in temporary - even pain - and bad things happen to everyone, not just to me.
To explain the emotional relief that I felt during my time in Thailand is a challenge. I know that many individuals who struggle with infertility have long since made their peace with it, and developed their own strategies and practices to manage the emotional side of things. But, for those of you who, like me, haven't quite gotten there yet, I hope this site can be a resource for you.
